


Aurora Borealis

by merlins beard (sherbertlemon)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:58:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherbertlemon/pseuds/merlins%20beard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seeing you like this is unbearable. Maybe…I could invite you in. Just for a cup of tea.<br/>No. It isn’t meant to be. Still, I almost give in when you continue speaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i> inspired by the song Snuff [by Slipknot] </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Aurora Borealis

“Please, Draco.” Your voice is thick with emotion, on the verge of breaking.

Seeing you like this is unbearable. Maybe…I could invite you in. Just for a cup of tea.

No. It isn’t meant to be. Still, I almost give in when you continue speaking.

“Please. He’s out of my life now, for good.” Your pale hands are shaking, your arms slowly moving through thin air, desperately trying to find something to hold on to, to catch you when you fall.

I feel my breath hitch in my throat, my whole body grows tense. I clutch the door so tightly that the knuckles of my sweaty left hand turn white with strain. After only a second’s struggle with myself, I slam the door shut between us.

Refusing to acknowledge your anguished cry, I slowly let the air escape from my lungs, releasing the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and slide down the inside of the dark oak door. I accepted long ago that it just can’t be, but you still keep coming back here. Don’t you see what it does to me? Don’t you see that I’m broken beyond repair? I don’t deserve to have you.

My cheeks feel wet with the tears that always come unbidden and refuse to disappear as I allow myself to remember that night.

It was so long ago, we were so much younger then, and you were happier. I ran into you at - of course - Flourish and Blotts. You didn’t even recognize me until I spoke. All the fighting, the trial and then being locked up in that place , it changed me, and not only on the outside.

We went our separate ways and then ran into each other again that night, at the Leaky Cauldron. I remember the exact words you said. I remember everything about that night. Every little detail is etched into my mind, every secret burned into my skin.

“So we meet again. Twice in one day - that can’t be a coincidence.” Your voice was soft as velvet then, not like the times you yelled at me at school, but rather like when I overheard you talking to your friends.

You invited me to sit beside you at the bar, I bought us drinks. Neither of us spoke much. Hours later, I apparated us here and went to get us more drinks from the kitchen. I remember the awe with which you stepped into my apartment, confusion and surprise was evident on your face. You hadn’t expected the modern white furniture, the large windows looking out over London. I felt just as much awe at the fact that you were even there.

Startled for a fraction of a second when I stepped back into the sitting room and you weren’t there, I worried that I had only imagined it all. But no, there was your scent, a sweet fragrance of roses and new parchment, it lingered in the room. Upon closer inspection I found a piece of fabric on the floor next to the sofa. Confusion quickly turned into realization as I picked up your soft white blouse and after a moment of surprise I felt the corners of my mouth twitch and stretch into a smile. How could I have known that you would break what was left of me? You, who had always been perfect, who had never needed any help.

When I crossed the room and entered the hall, I found you leaning against the doorframe of my bedroom, wearing nothing but black lace and an enticing smile.

Our first kiss should have been sweet - soft and filled with all the things I always wanted to tell you. I used to picture it - even while we were still at school. Too many times had I dreamed of it - and that night, all my dreams came true. But there was nothing sweet about it. We were both burning with desire - desire to forget, to lose ourselves in each other, just for a few hours, to escape what was waiting for us once this was over.

It was nothing like I expected it would be. Still, you were everything I hoped for and more.

It could have been the beginning of something.

But you were gone the next day, and I found only a letter on the kitchen bench. Four words. Just four words, but they ended my life.

_I can’t.  
I’m sorry._

They drained me of any hope I had left. I gave up then. In my small world, I was the darkness and you were the sun. When you left, I just couldn’t face a life without your light.

No. You weren’t the sun. Even then, my heart was doomed to an existence in constant darkness. I killed people , Hermione. No sunlight falls upon those with torn souls. You were like the northern lights. Exactly like the northern lights. Aurora is a flighty thing, you know? It is beautiful to look at, a heartwarming, awe-inspiring sight. But you can never be sure when it will show up, or how long it will stay.

It’s been years. Years, Hermione. I have spent years in the darkness, waiting for you to come back, hoping that it would be the same. But it isn’t. It’s not the same. You ran then. You ran from me, to save yourself. You left all the pain and sorrow behind, added your burden to the one I was already carrying. And I crumbled beneath it. I kept looking for someone to show me the way, but there was nothing. Not even a small flame. Your light shone so brightly for that short time that I was blinded when it went out. Nothing was strong enough to permeate the darkness that followed. You drained all the colour from my life.

The memories are too much to bear and I realize that I’m standing again without having made the conscious decision to get up. My clenched fist leaves a dent in the wall beside the door as I try to channel all the emotions into the one punch - the one lapse of control I’ll allow myself. I’m breathing heavily, leaning against the door and I realize that that’s it. Silent tears keep falling as I let my hands fall against the cool oak barrier between us, rest my forehead against it and finally accept the truth. I will never see you again. I can’t go back anymore. My heart is just too dark to care. I can’t destroy what isn’t there. (*)

**Author's Note:**

> **The credit for the chapter title, chapter summary and the last line of the story (marked with (*)) goes to Slipknot, as the lines that are used are from their song Snuff.**


End file.
